


Belief

by 13thSyndicate



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Agnosticism (sort of?), Belief, Canon moments, Gen, complicated feelings, faith - Freeform, first-person narration, not knowing where you stand, short fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 09:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11159367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/13thSyndicate/pseuds/13thSyndicate
Summary: "Do you believe in the Maker?"For a human, Cassandra's question would've been simple - but Lavellan is an elf, and for them, things are... complicated.





	Belief

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a Tumblr post about how Lavellan's "I believe in Elven gods" response is inherently code for "the Maker destroyed my people so fuck off I never wanted to be the Herald of a church that killed everything I believe in" and I wanted to present alternative ideas for how Lavellans could believe. This is based on my Lavellan, who struggled with what to believe through the whole game

"Do you believe in the Maker?"

Such a simple question, and Cassandra meant it in the simplest of ways. For humans, it's like that - believe or don't believe. Agree or disagree. Andrastian or faithless (humans don't worship Elven gods, and a human Qunari wouldn't be in this position in the first place, after all - not a true believer). For an elf, for a second to a Keeper, for me... a little harder. A lot harder. The staff weighs heavy on my back, and the pain of receiving my Vallaslin is still as fresh in my mind as it was when I reached adulthood, I was handed out of the Fade by a glowing woman who some call Andraste herself, and yet.

There are many stories of Andraste's history with my people, of the Maker's history, of the Chantry's history, and all have different takes. My job among my clan was as apprentice to the keeper of knowledge, to learn the secret histories of our people and preserve them so that some small part of our culture might live. None but a Keeper and their second can know better that the truth is in fragments, small pieces meant to be gathered like stones, fragments of a ruined tablet to be pieced together to remember our history.

Do I believe in the Maker? It's hard to say. I believe in our gods - in the history and knowledge I was chosen to keep. Yet how can stories which have been through so much change represent the whole truth? Even in our stories, the gods came from somewhere.

I mull over my answer, weighing the difference between the truth and what Cassandra will hear the truth as. 'I believe in elven gods' is a simple truth, and I can already imagine her displeased look. 'I don't know' is also a simple truth, and the answer I've been giving too often of late. To Josephine - to the faithful lining up to get a glimpse or to shake my hand. To Varric in a private moment, just between friends. I don't want to say it again - don't want to admit my weakness here to the woman who has given me her sword and her faith, the two things she doesn't seem to want to admit even to herself are all she has left in these troubled times. 'No' is out of the question. 'Yes' is untrue. I struggle to find other words for the feelings swirling inside me, but can't find them, and sigh.

"I'm not sure," I say, because as often as I've used it, overused it, it's the truth.

She seems to take that with grace I hadn't expected from her - she speaks about her own faith for a moment, and in all honesty, it bolsters my courage. Faith is never unwelcome - only often mis-spent. Cassandra questions methods, weighs options - but her faith never wavers. She will be a good leader for the Inquisition she wants to build here.

In the end, how much I believe doesn't matter. Thedas believes. Cassandra believes.

In a way, that's good enough for me.

**Author's Note:**

> This is intended to be gen, but I suppose you could read it as Cassavellan if you have your shipping goggles on.


End file.
